what is the feeling right now,just feeling weird,inside..
asking myself do i still love u?..answer is yes...
so what?...=)
yesterday the school had a meeting,for all Christians,perhaps,i can say that,not all are Christians,xD,just suddenly happened to be Christians,well that's not the main point,the point is,
i found myself again,i found what is called home,used to be called. 'men..i have been away from Home for so long but yet i thought i have been being Home already'.ya,that's the fact...haha...
the worship is just simple,but without drum,and the first time i found myself looking others taking my place as a bassist,xD
who i actually am?
a son of God? or a brother among Christians?
answer is,both..
looking into myself,yes,i have a great talent,i can play with at least four musical instrument,haha,i can draw well,doing everything well,but i know,this is not because my brain is bigger than others,it's because, it's all a Gift...without You, we are nothing,it's You who put all of this into me...
why are You so kind to me? i'm not deserve for anything You had gave me,not even the breath i'm having now,but,i had it didn't i?,,,do You know that You gave me everything i'm having now and yet i gave You nothing but hurt in return?
i'm sorry okay? i'm really sorry for everything i had brought to You,it's all a mess...
i have a destiny,and i know it's all about You,if i would love someone with everything of me,why not i do the same to You,didn't You deserve everything of me? it doesn't mean that she is not deserve,it's just that....You deserve more than everything i'm giving to You now...
You are the One who suffer so much for me,who gave me my everything,who keep telling me that You are here with me,who keep telling me that 'it's okay' when i goes wrong,who still have faith in me,who still willing to believe in me,who still waiting there at the front door,longing to see me Home,who would hug and kiss me when i come home with everything mess up,who still willing to love me even when i hurt You so much,You....it's all about You....You are the reason i live,the reason why i'm still living right now,in front of this small laptop...
my life is already a mess,and i'm gonna fix it,with You,every step i take,i'm gonna follow the order You gave,because You know what was needed for me...You know everything for me, and You are everything to me...
with all my life,i would honor You,with a Holy life,a Christian life,a life as Your very son...=)
and You will have the honor to.....have everything of me...xD
( perhaps this is not an honor but a shame)
this is it...my heart · for You
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